Grr.

Oh, yes, my tasty little friends across the web. It is another bit of ranting about frustration.
I promise it will be at least a little entertaining, and I'll give you video carrots-on-sticks to make sure you stay with me.
PLUS, if you're interested in some thoughts from someone who should call herself an artist-in-the-making, read on.

And I'll be back to my old tricks soon.

Why is it that we feel such a big rush of pressure to get going on our lives? I feel, right now, that for all of the "take it easy" type advice I'm getting, I am also getting about three times as many "tick tock, cookie. You're not living forever. Life has balls to grab, so gloves off!"

And I mean, that's all well and good. I don't want to loll around uselessly until something happens to me. Passivity isn't something I'm going for here.

But I just get the feeling that, in the eyes of a lot of people, if I don't get going on making myself something PRONTO, I'll wind up being no one.

God forbid I want to travel, or work and pay off my debts (which are piling up) so I can get into a career in the art world without having to pay them off AND work to live. God forbid I want to take a day or two to just be, and not write, not think about agents, resumés, photos, blarg.

And yet, at the same time, it almost seems ingrained in my being that I think about these things. When I'm not actually working, studying or sleeping, I'm thinking. That's a lie, I think when I sleep, too.

Thinking about everything from my ideal film role (that I won't write about - it'll be too good if it happens, and I don't want to jinx it), about the headshots I'll need to take, if I work for awhile, how to keep my muscles - physical and otherwise - ready to go ... and if I'll "make it". And there we go. What does "make it" mean?

First video reward. You've been so good. You will hopefully have seen this.


Okay. Where were we? RIGHT, "making it" and how subjective that is.

I'd just like to be able to do well for myself and for whoever is in my life. Partner, Futurebrats, the Parents in Hometown ... these people (hypothetical and real) mean a lot to me, so being able to take care of them is important.

I also want to do things that challenge me, and make me happy. That's what it is.

To be continued. Isn't it ever.