Kernel

This is the centerpiece of ... something I am writing. I don't know exactly what yet. So far, it is about an encounter between two people and all the possibilities that come from their meeting. Based on my life? Yeah, very much so.

"Up From Under"
- How I said the 'L' word

ONE: You know what? That's alright. Because I said what has been eating me from the inside out and, damn it, it feels good to get it out. You don't have to say anything back. And, frankly, I didn't expect you to. And this place, this place and you, aren't exactly the way I'd imagined but I had to say it. I had to say that I love you because I do. And I've been fighting against myself for weeks.

(pause) And trust me, this isn't something I've looked forward to telling you. I knew it would be a mess and I would piss around and avoid it for as long as possible. It wasn't a burst of happiness or a huge feeling of satisfaction I just had to share with you. It hurts and it is awful. It has ruined me a little. And now it makes me worry because I have given you a piece of me and who knows what you'll do with it. Will you take it with you if you run off with someone else? Will you give yourself back to me? Or ... will that part of me die there and we will both have to give up? I don't know. But I can hope.

(line cut by OTHER)

You can't say it back. It hurts, a little, but you know? That's alright! Because when you figure it out and it boils in your heart and you have to tell me, I'll listen. And we'll be worse off then we were before. Won't that be perfect.



It is quite a gloomy outlook on the whole thing. But I am so sick of the moon, spoon, June that I needed to write something about that unshakable ache that being in love gives you. Or, that feeling of needing to give a secret and not being able to.