Expect

I have some massive expectations for this summer:

1 - Continue to work at my first job at least 25 hours a week
2 - Find a second job
3 - Take singing lessons
4 - Take dance or martial arts classes
5 - Write the essays for the scholarships I am going for (more short-term)
6 - Read the last remaining Shakespeare plays I haven't read, and re-read most of the others AND watch some of the films
7 - Maintain long-distance relationships with my close friends and my family
8 - Actually maintain a social life during the summer

I also want to learn to take care of myself. This will mean spending more money on things like food (I owe myself better quality meals) and even extras like something pretty to wear or a DVD as a reward. If I were a seperate person taking care of someone else, I would be treating them a lot better than I have been treating myself.

It seems my expecations for other people are lower than they are for myself. I give most people the wiggle room to be human, but god forbid I screw something up. It's a very ego-based way of living, isn't it? I'm sure that people can move beyond the ideals I have. And who am I to have to reach these superhigh goals? I am no better than the next person.

I want to expect more from people. I do.
I've just been dissapointed enough to be realistic. Maybe I don't have the right expectations for people.

I want to be able to put 100% of myself out there. I want that and I just want someone to want to give me that back. But that is something I need to let go of more.

This summer, I want to be able to try and give without the fear of recieving. I want to give and not worry what I'll get back, if anything. I was able to do this once or twice, but it is fairly painful when it backfires.

I want to expect the best, but love what happens anyway. Maybe that is too lofty a goal for one summer. Or a lifetime.

But it is good to keep in mind.